Tuesday, April 08, 2008

WHAT A SHEM ...

Guest of Horror
By N. Mark Castro



In order to protect the anonymity of the person or persons that can relate to this story, I am herewith hiding the identity or identities of the person or persons that can relate to this story ... or as to whom this incident actually occurred. So in the interest of his safety, we shall call him Mark.


Here's a shocking story:

It seems Mark and his girlfriend had driven a long distance to visit his girlfriend's sister. To refresh himself, Mark went into the guest bathroom, took a shower, then dried himself off.


That's the story.


Pretty shocking, huh?

Mark's girlfriend thought so. She was horrified!

''You used the GOOD TOWELS!'' she said.

And he had. It's a mistake many guys make. A guy will be in a guest bathroom, dripping wet, and he sees a towel, and for some insane reason he thinks it was put there for guests to dry themselves with.


In fact, as Mark's girlfriend angrily pointed out to him, the towels they were supposed to use were NOT in the bathroom; they were (of course!) in the bedroom. The towel Mark used was intended solely as decoration.
Guest_fulllengthmirrorfluffywhitemonogra

Here's a similar bonehead error that guys often commit in guest bathrooms: They see soap on a soap dish, and they use it to WASH THEIR HANDS. This, of course, ruins the guest soap, which is defined as ''soap that guests are not supposed to use.''


Its purpose is to match the guest towels.


During his phone call to me, Mark criticized this kind of thinking by comparing it to a hypothetical situation involving guys. Suppose, he said, that a guy is working on his car, and he asks you to hand him a 9/16 wrench. You go over to some wrenches hanging on the wall and start to take one, and the guy yells, "NOT THOSE, YOU IMBECILE! THOSE ARE FOR DECORATION!''


"Mark," I told him, "when you put it that way, the concept of purely decorative towels DOES seem silly."


But there's actually a very logical explanation for it: Women are insane.


No, I am, of course, just kidding.


There really is a good reason. I just don't know what it is.

What I do know is that the practice of providing guests with conveniences they cannot use is not limited to the bathroom. The guest bedroom is usually equipped with decorative candles that you must not burn, because that would ruin them. Also you must never throw any waste into the decorative wastebasket, which has never contained any waste and may have been waxed just before your arrival. If, during your visit, you generate waste, you should hide it in your suitcase and take it home.


But the trickiest thing is the guest bed. Oh, it may have attractive pillows on it, and a comfy-looking quilt, but you are NOT supposed to use these. You're supposed to take the pillows-which are called "shams'' -- off the bed and replace them with the REAL pillows, which are hidden somewhere, generally in the closet, which is where you're supposed to put the quilt, which is on the bed solely to match the shams and should NOT come into contact with your disgusting oily guest body.

Madera_pillow_sham
If your hostess subscribes to Martha Stewart Living, the guest bed may be so massively fortified with decorative objects that it can be deconstructed for sleeping use only by a licensed interior designer.


I'm talking about a bed that is surrounded by a dust ruffle and buried under a complex, towering arrangement of approximately 46 shams and other decorative pillows, which are on top of the quilt, which may be encased in a ''duvet cover'' and further accessorized by (these are real decorator names) a ''soutache.''


In extreme cases, the entire bed will be surrounded by a giant net, as if to protect it from vampire bats (which will be dyed to match the duvet cover).


If you, as a guest, encounter such a bed, do NOT approach it. Back slowly out of the room and sleep on the lawn.


Of course, you won't encounter these problems if you're a guest in a household run by a guy, because he won't have fancy guest bedding. In fact, he won't have a guest bed. You'll sleep on the sofa under a Batman beach towel with stains dating back to the Marcos administration.


In the morning, you can use this towel to dry yourself after your shower. Feel free to use the guest soap, which you can assemble yourself from ancient shards of Dial on the shower floor.


But to get back to Mark's phone call: "Mark," I continued, "you make a logical point about the towels. But this is not about logic; this is about etiquette, and too often we males forget the basic underlying principle of all etiquette, which is: We are scum. So I urge you, if you still want to have sex, to apologize to your girlfriend's sister, and henceforth show proper respect for her good towels by not treating them as if they were towels.


They're home decors, you moron!

                            

Edelweiss

4810
By N. Mark Castro


Mb
Mont Blanc (French for white mountain) or Monte Bianco (Italian, same meaning), also known as "La Dame Blanche" (French, the white lady) is a mountain in the Alps. With its 4,810 m summit, it is the highest mountain in the Alps and Western Europe.

The mountain lies between the regions of Aosta Valley, Italy, and Haute-Savoie, France. The location of the summit itself is a subject of controversy between the two countries, as each tends to place it within its own boundaries on maps. In a convention between France and Kingdom of Sardinia, in Turin (1861), the border was fixed on the highest point of Mont Blanc. This was the last official definition of this border, but often the French maps do not respect this solution.

What to do, French ...

But if there's anything most people associate the famous mountain with, it would be the Mont Blanc writing instruments.

Founded by the stationer Claus-Johannes Voss, the banker Alfred Nehemias and the engineer August Eberstein in 1906, the company began as the Simplo Filler Pen company producing up-market pens in the Schanzen district of Hamburg. Their first model was the Rouge Et Noir in 1909 followed in 1910 by the pen that was later to give the company its new name, the Mont Blanc. The first pen (a fountain pen) known as the Meisterstück or Masterpiece (the name used for export) was produced in 1925.

The company was successful despite its founder, Eberstein, fleeing to the US to avoid prosecution for stealing company funds in 1909. In 1934 the company changed its name to Montblanc-Simplo GmbH, and introduced its first piston filler.

Today Montblanc forms part of the Richemont group. Its sister companies include luxury brands Cartier, Van Cleef & Arpels, Chloé, and Baume et Mercier.


The trademark most clearly identified with
Mb1Montblanc is the white stylised six-pointed star with rounded edges, representative of the Mont Blanc snowcap from above, the symbol being adopted in 1913.


The star is also referred to as an edelweiss,an indigenous perennial that grows in the alpine forests and mountains of Europe. Less romantically, the star is also referred to as "the bird splat" by fountain pen collectors.

Chopinmontblanc

But anyone with a taste for the finer things in life when it comes writing and musical instruments, then Mont Blanc's Hommage a Frederic Chopin classic Meisterstuck pen is, without a doubt, a work of art.


Mont Blanc Meisterstuck Hommage, which is a Frederic Chopin Miniature Fountain Pen Set
MbchopinBeautiful classic black miniature fountain pen with 14k gold Bold nib that is cartridge filled, comes with a collector's CD of two Chopin concertos. It is Frederick Chopin's only Piano Concertos and has a total play time of 75:13.

Mbchopin2

For the Ultimate Collector, Mont Blanc's classic Meisterstuck line of pens has been around since the company's founding in 1906, and this Hommage Collezione is truly a precious production.


For the Classical Music Lovers, The Hommage a Frederic Chopin Meisterstuck fountain pen comes in a beautiful black box adorned with a golden Chopin signature. After removing the cover you'll not only find an exquisite pen, you'll find an exquisite recording of Chopin's Concerto for Piano and Orchestra No. 1 in E minor and Concerto for Piano and Orchestra No. 2 in F minor. The concertos were performed by the Montblanc Philharmonia of the Nations conducted by Justus Frantz.


I've never heard the orchestra before, but its quality is easily comparable to many of the world's greatest symphony orchestras. Chopin's only two piano concertos were composed in 1830, and were first performed in Warsaw later that year.

And now, famous people such as: Katherine Jenkins, Johnny Depp, Julianne Moore,  and Nicolas Cage, among others, have endorsed the pen as models.

Dsc02143





















Dsc02145







I wonder if they'd return the pen once they realize who else is added into their list ...

Dsc02152

Friday, March 21, 2008

Easter

The First Miracle

 

 

Tomorrow it would be I A.D., but nobody had told him.

 

If anyone had, he wouldn't have understood because he thought that it was the forty-third year in the reign of the Emperor, and in any case, he had other things on his mind. His mother was still cross with him and he had to admit that he'd been naughty that day, even by the standards of a normal thirteen-year-old. He hadn't meant to drop the pitcher when she had sent him to the well for water. He tried to explain to his mother that it wasn't his fault that he had tripped over a stone; and that at least was true. What he hadn't told her was that he was chasing a stray dog at the time. And then there was that pomegranate; how was he meant to know that it was the last one, and that his father had taken a liking to them? The boy was now dreading his father's return and the possibility that he might be given another thrashing. He could still remember the last one when he hadn't been able to sit down for two days without feeling the pain, and the thin red scars

didn't completely disappear for over three weeks.

 

He sat on the window ledge in a shaded corner of his room trying to think of some way he could redeem himself in his mother's eyes, now that she had thrown him out of the kitchen. Go outside and play, she had insisted, after he had spilt some cooking oil on his tunic. But that wasn't much fun as he was only allowed to play by himself. His father had forbidden him to mix with the local boys. How he hated this country; if only he were back home with his friends, there would be so much to do. Still, only another three weeks and he could . . . The door swung open and his mother came into the room. She was dressed in the thin black garments so favoured by locals: they kept her cool, she had explained to the boy's father. He had grunted his disapproval so she always changed back into imperial dress before he returned in the evening.

 

"Ah, there you are," she said, addressing the crouched figure of her son.

 

"Yes, Mother."

 

"Daydreaming as usual. Well, wake up because I need you to go into the village and fetch some food for me."

 

"Yes, Mother, I'll go at once," the boy said as he jumped off the window ledge.

 

"Well, at least wait until you've heard what I want."

 

"Sorry, Mother."

 

"Now listen, and listen carefully."

 

She started counting on her fingers as she spoke. "I need a chicken, some raisins, figs, dates and . . . ah yes, two pomegranates."

 

The boy's face reddened at the mention of the pomegranates and he stared down at the stone Door, hoping she might have forgotten. His mother put her hand into the leather purse that hung from her waist and removed two small coins, but before she handed them over she made her son repeat the instructions.

 

"One chicken, raisins, figs, dates, and two pomegranates," he recited, as he might the modern poet, Virgil.

 

"And be sure to see they give you the correct change," she added. "Never forget the locals are all thieves."

 

"Yes, Mother . . ." For a moment the boy hesitated.

 

"If you remember everything and bring back the right amount of money, I might forget to tell your father about the broken pitcher and the pomegranate."

 

The boy smiled, pocketed the two small silver coins in his tunic, and ran out of the house into the compound. The guard who stood on duty at the gate removed the great wedge of wood which allowed the massive door to swing open. The boy jumped through the hole in the gate and grinned back at the guard.

 

"Been in more trouble again today?" the guard shouted after him.

 

"No, not this time," the boy replied.

 

"I'm about to be saved."

 

He waved farewell to the guard and started to walk briskly towards the village while humming a tune that reminded him of home. He kept to the centre of the dusty winding path that the locals had the nerve to call a road.

 

He seemed to spend half his time removing little stones from his sandals. If his father had been posted here for any length of time he would have made some changes; then they would have had a real road, straight and wide enough to take a chariot. But not before his mother had sorted out the serving girls. Not one of them knew how to lay a table or even prepare food so that it was at least clean. For the first time in his life he had seen his mother in a kitchen, and he felt sure it would be the last, as they would all be returning home now that his father was coming to the end of his assignment.

 

The evening sun shone down on him as he walked; it was a very large red sun, the same red as his father's tunic. The heat it gave out made him sweat and long for something to drink. Perhaps there would be enough money left over to buy himself a pomegranate. He couldn't wait to take one home and show his friends how large they were in this barbaric land. Marcus, his best friend, would undoubtedly have seen one as big because his father had commanded a whole army in these parts, but the rest of the class would still be impressed.

 

The village to which his mother had sent him was only two miles from the compound and the dusty path ran alongside a hill overlooking a large valley. The road was already crowded with travelers who would be seeking shelter in the village. All of them had come down from the hills at the express orders of his father, whose authority had been vested in him by the Emperor himself. Once he was sixteen, he too would serve the Emperor. His friend Marcus wanted to be a soldier and conquer the rest of the world. But he was more interested in the law and teaching his country's customs to the heathens in strange lands.

 

Marcus had said, "I'll conquer them and then you can govern them."

 

A sensible division between brains and brawn he had told his friend, who didn't seem impressed and had ducked him in the nearest bath.

 

The boy quickened his pace as he knew he had to be back in the compound before the sun disappeared behind the hills. His father had told him many times that he must always be locked safely inside before sunset. He was aware that his father was not a popular man with the locals, and he had warned his son that he would always be safe while it was light as no one would dare to harm him while others could watch what was going on, but once it was dark anything could happen. One thing he knew for certain: when he grew up he wasn't going to be a tax collector or work in the census office.

 

When he reached the village he found the narrow twisting lanes that ran between the little white houses swarming with people who had come from all the neighbouring lands to obey his father's order and be registered for the census, in order that they might be taxed. The boy dismissed the plebe from his mind. (It was Marcus who had taught him to refer to all foreigners as plebe.) When he entered the market place he also dismissed Marcus from his mind and began to concentrate on the supplies his mother wanted. He mustn't make any mistakes this time or he would undoubtedly end up with that thrashing from his &then He ran nimbly between the stalls, checking the food carefully. Some of the local people stared at the fair-skinned boy with the curly brown hair and the straight, firm nose. He displayed no imperfections or disease like the majority of them. Others turned their eyes away from him; after all, he had come from the land of the natural rulers. These thoughts did not pass through his mind. All the boy noticed was that their native skins were parched and lined from too much sun. He knew that too much sun was bad for you: it made you old before your time, his tutor had warned him.

 

At the end stall, the boy watched an old woman haggling over an unusually plump live chicken and as he marched towards her she ran away in fright, leaving the fowl behind her. He stared at the stallkeeper and refused to bargain with the peasant. It was beneath his dignity. He pointed to the chicken and gave the man one denarius. The man bit the round silver coin and looked at the head of Augustus Caesar, ruler of half the world. (When his tutor had told him, during a history lesson, about the Emperor's achievements, he remembered thinking, I hope Caesar doesn't conquer the whole world before I have a chance to join in.) The stallkeeper was still staring at the silver coin.

 

"Come on, come on, I haven't got all day," said the boy sounding like his father.

 

The local did not reply because he couldn't understand what the boy was saying. All he knew for certain was that it would be unwise for him to annoy the invader. The stallkeeper held the chicken firmly by the neck and taking a knife from his belt cut its head off in one movement and passed the dead fowl over to the boy. He then handed back some of his local coins, which had stamped on them the image of a man the boy's father described as "that useless Herod". The boy kept his hand held out, palm open, and the local placed bronze talents into it until he had no more. The boy left him talentless and moved to another stall, this time pointing to bags containing raisins, figs and dates.

 

 

The new stallkeeper made a measure of each for which he received five of the useless Herod coins. The man was about to protest about the barter but the boy stared at him fixedly in the eyes, the way he had seen his father do so often. The stallkeeper backed away and only bowed his head.

 

Now, what else did his mother want? He racked his brains. A chicken, raisins, dates, figs and . . . of course, two pomegranates. He searched among the fresh-fruit stalls and picked out three pomegranates, and breaking one open, began to eat it, spitting out the pips on the ground in front of him. He paid the stallkeeper with the two remaining bronze talents, feeling pleased that he had carried out his mother's wishes while still being able to return home with one of the silver denarii. Even his father would be impressed by that. He finished the pomegranate and, with his arms laden, headed slowly out of the market back towards the compound, trying to avoid the stray dogs that continually got under his feet. They barked and sometimes snapped at his ankles: they did not know who he was.

 

When the boy reached the edge of the village he noticed the sun was already disappearing behind the highest hill, so he quickened his pace, remembering his father's words about being home before dusk. As he walked down the stony path, those still on the way towards the village kept a respectful distance, leaving him a clear vision as far as the eye could see, which wasn't all that far as he was carrying so much in his arms. But one sight he did notice a little way ahead of him was a man with a beard - a dirty, lazy habit his father had told him - wearing the ragged dress that signified that he was of the tribe of Jacob, tugging a reluctant donkey which in turn was carrying a very fat woman. The woman was, as their custom demanded, covered from head to toe in black. The boy was about to order them out of his path when the man left the donkey on the side of the road and went into a house which from its sign, claimed to be an inn.

 

Such a building in his own land would never have passed the scrutiny of the local councilors as a place fit for paying travellers to dwell in. But the boy realised that this particular week to find even a mat to lay one's head on might be considered a luxury. He watched the bearded man reappear through the door with a forlorn look on his tired face. There was clearly no room at the inn.

 

The boy could have told him that before he went in, and wondered what the man would do next, as it was the last dwelling house on the road. Not that he was really interested; they could both sleep in the hills for all he cared. It was about all they looked fit for. The man with the beard was telling the woman something and pointing behind the inn, and without another word he led the donkey off in the direction he had been indicating.

 

The boy wondered what could possibly be at the back of the inn and, his curiosity roused, followed them. As he came to the corner of the building, he saw the man was coaxing the donkey through an open door of what looked like a barn. The boy followed the strange trio and watched them through the crack left by the open door. The barn was covered in dirty straw and full of chickens, sheep and oxen, and smelled to the boy like the sewers they built in the side streets back home. He began to feel sick. The man was clearing away some of the worst of the straw from the centre of the barn, trying to make a clean patch for them to rest on - a near hopeless task, thought the boy. When the man had done as best he could he lifted the At woman down from the donkey and placed her gently in the straw. Then he left her and went over to a trough on the other side of the barn where one of the oxen was drinking. He cupped his fingers together, put them in the trough and filling his hands with water, returned to the fat woman.

 

The boy was beginning to get bored and was about to leave when the woman leaned forward to drink from the man's hands. The shawl fell from her head and he saw her face for the first time.

 

He stood transfixed, staring at her.

 

He had never seen anything more beautiful. Unlike the common members of her tribe, the woman's skin was translucent in quality, and her eyes shone, but what most struck the boy was her manner and presence. Never had he felt so much in awe, even remembering his one visit to the Senate House to hear a declamation from Augustus Caesar.

 

For a moment he remained mesmerised, but then he knew what he must do. He walked through the open door towards the woman, fell on his knees before her and offered the chicken. She smiled and he gave her the pomegranates and she smiled again. He then dropped the rest of the food in front of her, but she remained silent. The man with the beard was returning with more water, and when he saw the young foreigner he fell on his knees spilling the water onto the straw and then covered his face. The boy stayed on his knees for some time before he rose, and walked slowly towards the barn door. When he reached the opening, he turned back and stared once more into the face of the beautiful woman. She still did not speak.

 

The young Roman hesitated only for a second, and then bowed his head.

 

It was already dusk when he ran back out on to the winding path to resume his journey home, but he was not afraid. Rather he felt he had done something good and therefore no harm could come to him. He looked up into the sky and saw directly above him the first star, shining so brightly in the east that he wondered why he could see no others. His father had told him that different stars were visible in different lands, so he dismissed the puzzle from his mind, replacing it with the anxiety of not being home before dark. The road in front of him was now empty so he was able to walk quickly towards the compound, and was not all that far from safety when he first heard the singing and shouting.

 

He turned quickly to see where the danger was coming from, staring up into the hills above him. To begin with, he couldn't make sense of what he saw. Then his eyes focused in disbelief on one particular field in which the shepherds were leaping up and down, singing, shouting and clapping their hands. The boy noticed that all the sheep were safely penned in a corner of the field for the night, so they had nothing to fear. He had been told by Marcus that sometimes the shepherds in this land would make a lot of noise at night because they believed it kept away the evil spirits. How could anyone be that stupid, the boy wondered, when there was a flash of lightning across the sky and the field was suddenly ablaze with light. The shepherds fell to their knees, silent, staring up into the sky for several minutes as though they were listening intently to something. Then all was darkness again.

 

The boy started running towards the compound as fast as his legs could carry him; he wanted to be inside and hear the safety of the great gate close behind him and watch the centurion put the wooden wedge firmly back in its place. He would have run all the way had he not seen something in front of him that brought him to a sudden halt.

His father had taught him never to show any fear when facing danger. The boy caught his breath in case it would make them think that he was frightened. He was frightened, but he marched proudly on, determined he would never be forced off the road-When they did meet face to face, he was amazed.

 

Before him stood three camels and astride the beasts three men, who stared down at him. The first was clad in gold and with one arm protected something hidden beneath his cloak. By his side hung a large sword, its sheath covered in all manner of rare stones, some of which the boy could not even name. The second was dressed in white and held a silver casket to his breast, while the third wore red and carried a large wooden box. The man robed in gold put up his hand and addressed the boy in a strange tongue which he had never heard uttered before, even by his tutor. The second man tried Hebrew but to no avail and the third yet another tongue without eliciting any response from the boy.

 

The boy folded his arms across his chest and told them who he was, where he was going, and asked where they might be bound. He hoped his piping voice did not reveal his fear. The one robed in gold replied first and questioned the boy in his own tongue.

 

"Where is he that is born King of the Jews? For we have seen his star in the east, and are come to worship him."

 

"King Herod lives beyond the . . ."

 

"We speak not of King Herod," said the second man, "for he is but a king of men as we are."

 

"We speak," said the third, "of the King of Kings and are come to offer him gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh."

 

"I know nothing of the King of Kings," said the boy, now gaining in confidence. "I recognise only Augustus Caesar, Emperor of the known world."

 

The man robed in gold shook his head and, pointing to the sky, inquired of the boy: "You observe that bright star in the east. What is the name of the village on which it shines?"

 

The boy looked up at the star, and indeed the village below was clearer to the eye than it had been in sunlight.

 

"But that's only

Bethlehem

," said the boy, laughing. "You will find no King of Kings there."

 

"Even there we shall find him," said the second king, "for did not Herod's chief priest tell us:

 

And thou

Bethlehem

, in the land of

Judah, Art not least among the

princes of

Judah

, For out of thee

shall come a Governor That shall rule

my people

Israel

."

 

 

"It cannot be," said the boy now almost shouting at them. "Augustus Caesar rules

Israel

and all the known world."

 

But the three robed men did not heed his words and left him to ride on towards

Bethlehem

.

 

Mystified the boy set out on the last part of his journey home. Although the sky had become pitch black, whenever he turned his eyes towards

Bethlehem

the village was still clearly visible in the brilliant starlight. Once again he started running towards the compound, relieved to see its outline rising up in front of him. When he reached the great wooden gate, he banged loudly and repeatedly until a centurion, sword drawn, holding a flaming torch, came out to find out who it was that disturbed his watch. When he saw the boy, he frowned.

 

"Your father is very angry. He returned at sunset and is about to send out a search party for you."

 

The boy darted past the centurion and ran all the way to his family's quarters, where he found his father addressing a sergeant of the guard.

 

His mother was standing by his side, weeping.

 

The father turned when he saw his son and shouted: "Where have you been?"

 

"To

Bethlehem

."

 

"Yes, I know that, but whatever possessed you to return so late? Have I not told you countless times never to be out of the compound after dark? Come to my study at once."

 

The boy looked helplessly towards his mother, who was still crying, but not out of relief, and turned to follow his father into the study. The guard sergeant winked at him as he passed by but the boy knew nothing could save him now. His father strode ahead of him into the study and sat on a leather stool by his table. His mother followed and stood silently by the door.

 

"Now tell me exactly where you have been and why you took so long to return, and be sure to tell me the truth."

 

The boy stood in front of his father and told him everything that had come to pass. He started with how he had gone to the village and taken great care in choosing the food and in so doing had saved half the money his mother had given him. How on the way back he had seen a fat lady on a donkey unable to find a place at the inn and then he explained why he had given her the food. He went on to describe how the shepherds had shouted and beat their breasts until there was a great light in the sky at which they had all fallen silent on their knees, and then finally how he had met the three robed men who were searching for the King of Kings.

 

The father grew angry at his son's words.

 

"What a story you tell," he shouted. "Do tell me more. Did you find this King of Kings?"

 

"No, Sir. I did not," he replied, as he watched his father rise and start pacing around the room.

 

"Perhaps there is a more simple explanation as to why your face and fingers are stained red with pomegranate juice," he suggested.

 

"No, Father. I did buy an extra pomegranate but even after I had bought all the food, I still managed to save one silver denarius."

 

The boy handed the coin over to his mother believing it would confirm his story. But the sight of the piece of silver only made his father more angry. He stopped pacing and stared down into the eyes of his son.

 

"You have spent the other denarius on yourself and now you have nothing to show for it?"

 

"That's not true, Father, I . . ."

 

"Then I will allow you one more chance to tell me the truth," said his father as he sat back down. "Fail me, boy, and I shall give you a thrashing that you will never forget for the rest of your life."

 

"I have already told you the truth, Father."

 

"Listen to me carefully, my son. We were born Romans, born to rule the world because our laws and customs are tried and trusted and have always been based firmly on absolute honesty. Rornans never lie; it remains our strength and the weakness of our enemies. That is why we rule while others are ruled and as long as that is so the

Roman Empire

will never fall. Do you understand what I am saying, my boy?"

 

"Yes, Father, I understand."

 

"Then you'll also understand why it is imperative to tell the truth."

 

"But I have not lied, Father."

 

"Then there is no hope for you," said the man angrily. "And you leave me only one way to deal with this matter."

 

The boy's mother wanted to come to her son's aid, but knew any protest would be useless. The father rose from his chair and removed the leather belt from around his waist and folded it double, leaving the heavy brass studs on the outside. He then ordered his son to touch his toes. The young boy obeyed without hesitation and the father raised the leather strap above his head and brought it down on the child with all his strength. The boy never flinched or murmured, while his mother turned away from the sight, and wept. After the father had administered the twelfth stroke he ordered his son to go to his room. The boy left without a word and his mother followed and watched him climb the stairs. She then hurried away to the kitchen and gathered together some olive oil and ointments which she hoped would soothe the pain of her son's wounds. She carried the little jars up to his room, where she found him already in bed. She went over to his side and pulled the sheet back. He turned on to his chest while she prepared the oils. Then she removed his night tunic gently for fear of adding to his pain. Having done so, she stared down at his body in disbelief.

 

The boy's skin was unmarked.

 

She ran her fingers gently over her son's unblemished body and found it to be as smooth as if he had just bathed. She turned him over, but there was not a mark on him anywhere. Quickly she covered him with the sheet.

 

"Say nothing of this to your father, and remove the memory of it from your mind forever, because the very telling of it will only make him more angry."

 

"Yes, Mother."

 

The mother leaned over and blew out the candle by the side ofthe bed, gathered up the unused oils and tiptoed to the door. At the threshold, she turned in the dim light to look back at her son and said:

 

"Now I know you were telling the truth, Pontius."

Friday, February 15, 2008

Quines Esta Nina

Quines Esta Nina
By N. Mark Castro

1_1







































Pretty Woman.. Walking Down The Street ...

2

Pretty Woman ... The Kind I Like To Meet

3
Pretty Woman ... I don't believe you
You're not the truth
NO one could look as good as you

4
Mercy ...

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Thief Of Hearts

Thief of Baghdad Jakarta
By N. Mark Castro
The Jakarta Post

 

 

AFTER 3 YEARS of living safely in Jakarta, a thief finally succeeded in reminding me that her glorious streets are not safe.

 

Yesterday in Cik Ditiro, Menteng, a motorcycle-riding thief was able to snatch away the mobile phone I was using while walking towards another building. There are several theories behind that walk:

First, it was better to walk a couple of buildings away going to my destination instead of taking the car;

Second, I was a moron.

 

6kI heard from my colleagues that this is a common practice in Jakarta. Not the walk, but the motorcycle-riding thieves that pry mobile phones away from unsuspecting pedestrians. Initially, I thought of running after the thief, but then I realized that there weren't any nearby phone booths where I could rip open my suit, change into my outfit, and fly up, up and away. Nor was I donning a red suit equipped with a lightning fast feet.

 

No. I wasn't wearing any of those. Instead, I was a mere mortal that felt helpless looking at the thief as I ate his dust.

F

 

I have mixed emotions until now, actually. Perhaps it's what psychologists refer to as shock. Or that maybe my subconscious is simply telling me that I had it coming.

 

Thieves.

 

I would've wanted to be angry, to get back at him, to report it to cops whom I'm certain could do nothing as they interview me, a useless witness.

 

 

"What was he wearing?" the cop would probably ask.

 

"Penguin suit?" I don't know.

 

"Did you get to read the plate number of the motorcycle?"

 

"Yeah, satu, tiga, um, ah, how do you say eight in Bahasa Indonesia?"

 

Case dismissed. Another idiot in the long lines of idiots they've had so far.

 

But is there a way by which ordinary pedestrians like me can seek grievance from all these?

 

Technologically speaking, the IMEI of mobile phones could be a lifesaver. Cops could zero in on its location by keying in the IMEI and render the phone useless; or trace wherever the thief gets to fence the merchandise by advising distributors of my phone's IMEI, or triangulate via GPS and catch the thief. You could not only arrest my particular thief, but you can actually negate the viability of mobile phone thievery, if can call it as such, by making it financially useless for them to do so.

 

Should I talk to the cops?

 

Or should I consider it as payback for my own notorious thievery in the past. Oh, the many hearts I've stolen from the numerous phones I've used; the many business deals I've stolen from competitors; the many infamous ways by which I've stolen opportunities from others, I suppose.

 

I can't recall any specific detail but I'm sure from another person's mind I may have been a thief in one way or another … the only difference is such that I'm wearing an Ermenigildo Zegna suit, driven in a company car, and command my nefarious plans in a boardroom while my colleague, if you may, covers the streets of Jakarta.

 

We're all thieves, in one way or another, I suppose. Just look at Natural Geographic's daily show and it's an endless stream of lions stealing young gazelles, hawks swooping down to snatch another animal's young, or hyenas racing fast to go for the kill. In Darfur, the government continues to steal decent lives from its citizens. In Iraq, the thievery does not stop with the goods … it begins with people's lives. In Indonesia and the Philippines (both countries currently exchanging places for the top spot in corruption), government officials have been known for its own thieving ways. In America, well, I leave it up to your imagination.

 

When will it stop?

 

When the citizens complain?

 

Or when we do?

 

A thief once burglarized a Zen monk meditating in the privacy of his home. The Zen monk stopped and looked at him and told the thief where he kept his valuables and continued meditating. The thief left but was later apprehended by the cops. The cops asked the Zen monk if the person was the thief and the monk said: "No, I showed him where they are. I gave it to him. Had he stayed, I could have given him this bright full moon!"

 

The thief at once had an awakening and decided to become a Zen student.

 

Come 2008, I may not be a Zen monk or student, but I'll be walking the streets of Jakarta with the same nonchalance and confidence I always had. The thief may have succeeded in stealing my phone, he deserved that; but he did not succeed in stealing my faith in people.

 

Come 2008, perhaps, we could all do our share and stop ourselves from our own thieving ways … in ways that steal the very smile from others.

 

Come 2008, perhaps, I could wear that red suit under my shirt.

What Kings Wear

WATCH out
By N. Mark Castro



THERE ARE few earthly matters that impact heavily on my sanity ...

1) EYEGLASSES
2) WATCHES
3) WOMEN


The first dictates my eyes ... the second keeps track of my time ... and the third, well invades and occupies both.


But among the watches that I've received for my early Christmas, Hublot is an infant brand among the centuries-old Swiss giants with which it competes, yet within years of its founding in 1980, it became known as the watch of European royalty.


Within months of its introduction the Hublot had caught the eye of the King of Greece, quickly followed by the King of Spain, the King of Sweden and the Prince of Monaco. Few brands can claim such a speedy successful rise as Hublot. Hardly a watch enthusiast can be found today without at least one rubber-strapped watch in their personal collection - they are standard equipment on sport watches, but at the time the Hublot (French for porthole) was introduced, rubber was not to be found on a fine timepiece. The rubber strap is specially made to not crack or stain, it is chemically fused with steel for strength and mixed with a rare and potent vanilla to eliminate the odor associated with rubber. The brand is evolving into a brand of fusion after being taken over by the former principal of Blancpain. New elements and materials are being brought together to form pieces such as the Big Bang. We are proud to offer many pieces from the classic Hublot line, luxurious, but not flashy, comfortable, but not dressed-down.

And now ... I wonder how comfortably they feel knowing that in the long list of its registered clientèle ... they'd find my name scattered in it.

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Now you do the math ... arithmetically add the cost of all these toys, and go:



DAMN ... I CHOSE THE WRONG IDIOT !!!

Monday, December 10, 2007

The Crown

Fascination
By N. Mark Castro






Chronoswiss was founded in 1983 by Gerd-R. Lang at a time when other Swiss watchmakers were shrinking their operations due to the popularity of Quartz watches at that time. Lang felt that there was a place for a watchmaker dedicated to the art and craft of truly fine Swiss mechanical watches. Chronoswiss watches are instantly recognizable by the double coin edge, onion crown and screwed in strap lugs.




Chronoswiss tries to stay exclusive by only producing about 7,000 watches per year. Though a German company, every component is produced in Switzerland and then the watches are hand-finished.




Chronoswiss Regulateur a Tourbillon Squelette White Gold
1



Retail Price: $67,500


Chronoswiss emphasizes once again how fascinating mechanics can be on the Régulator à Tourbillon Squelette -- the first tourbillon to be displayed on a skeletonized Régulator dial. Expert watchmaker Gerd-R. Lang in association with Marc-Aurele Rochat, grandson of the founder of Vallée de Joux, where skeleton art began, succeeded in paring away enough of the dial to reveal a masterfully filigreed, fully functional clockwork.

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The tourbillon's cage completes a rotation around its own axis every 60 seconds. The classical balance, balance-spring, and escapement (developed originally by Abraham-Louis Breguet in 1801) all rotate along with it, thereby outsmarting gravity and ensuring that time never strays out of equilibrium. The Chronoswiss Caliber C.361 S manual-winding mechanism is housed inside a 19-piece red gold case and fitted with non-reflective sapphire crystal, screw-on bezel, and screw-on turnip crown. Two spring barrels maintain working power for up to 72 hours. Upon the skeletonized sterling dial, a blued steel poire (pear-shaped) minutes hand is centre-mounted and the hours hand delivers its plot from beneath the 12. Wear it on a Louisiana crocodile leather strap with tang buckle.




Technical progress is indicated by the cantilever tourbillon cage pivot-mounted on a ball bearing and a balance frequency of 28,800 semioscillations per hour to stablize the working. Other features include bottom plates pearlized on both sides and bridges adorned with Genevan striated finish. Angled and polished edges, blued screws, and three screw-mounted gold settings complete the stunning ensemble.


Crystal: Anti-Reflective Sapphire
Case Thickness: 10.5 mm
Power Reserve: 72 hour
Movement: Manual Wind Mechanical
Water Resistance: 3 ATM / 30 M / 100 F
Case Material: Gold
Case Diameter: 38 mm
Notes: Each timepiece is individually numbered.


Chronoswiss tries to stay exclusive by only producing about 7,000 watches per year. Though a German company, every component is produced in Switzerland and then the watches are hand-finished.




LB Stock # 10000336



Guess who's wearing it for dinner ... right Kasie?


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On my wrist ...

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Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Jingle Bells ... & Ross

Aerodynamically Measured
By N. Mark Castro

bell&ross

Real Deal

       

Ask the average American to name a fine         Swiss watch, and nine times out of ten you're going to hear Rolex.


You might get the occasional Omega or Tag Heuer, and if they really know what they're talking about, Breitling, IWC, Zenith, or maybe even Patek Philippe.


What you are not likely to hear is Bell & Ross, not because they don't make some very compelling timepieces, but primarily because they have only been around since 1992, which for a Swiss watch company, is practically brand new (compare to Rolex which has been around since 1908, Omega which dates back to 1848, Tag Heuer which has been around in one form or another since 1860, and Patek Philippe which was founded in 1839).



Not only is Bell & Ross a relative newcomer to the world of Swiss watches, but they are also not widely distributed in the United States. With only 45 retail locations throughout the country, you're averaging less than one store per state, which makes Bell & Ross watch more than three times as difficult to find as a Patek Philippe.



A History of Bell & Ross Watches

       

In 1992 a team of designers and specialists of aircraft and space controls joined with a set project to create watches perfectly suiting a professional use, to be part of the great Swiss watchmaking tradition while meeting the demands of men facing extreme situations.

Nowadays astronauts, pilots, divers or bomb disposal experts use Bell & Ross watches as tools on their missions. There are trades which make your bear exceptional temperatures, undergo violent accelerations or with stand dangerous pressures. These extreme situations are studied by Bell & Ross along with those who experience them: pilots, divers, astronauts and bomb disposal experts. To ensure that a watch perfectly meets the expectations of its users, Bell & Ross gathers men with complementary know how. With a unique objective - to create a utilitarian watch - master watchmakers, engineers, designers and professional users, put their expertise and experience together with the same motto: the essential is never compromised by the superfluous. Designed for professionals who demand optimal reliability, Bell & Ross watches meet four basic principles: readability, performance, precision and water resistance. Thus, every detail has its purpose, its function. This technical exactness is expressed through pure lines and timeless elegance.


BELL ROSS BR01-Instrument BR01-97 Power Reserve 
Model: BR-01-97-BLK-LS 
Size: 46mm 
Series: BR01-Instrument BR01-97 Power Reserve
Band: Black Calf Leather Strap (additional synthetic canvas strap)
Case: Stainless Steel
Dial: Black
Movement: Automatic
 
 
 Retail Price: US$ 4854.00    

The Basel show recently concluded it’s big watch show in Switzerland where the pashahs and Captains of Industry send their buyers to pick up a few $100,000 trinkets.

One stand-out item is this updated Bell & Ross BR01 Instrument Series watch. It’s an automatic timepiece with a honking big case and blue (orange in limited edition) luminous hands.

If you have to ask how much it costs, you can’t afford it.

What I found was a display case full of beautiful, unique, and very well made         watches. Bell & Ross watches primarily focus on dependability. They are watches for professionals like pilots, divers, astronauts, and even bomb disposal experts, whose jobs -- and in some cases, even lives -- may depend on their watches. Each Bell & Ross timepiece is designed and built with four basic principles in mind: readability, performance, precision, and water-resistance. When designing and engineering a new watch, the Bell & Ross motto is "the essential is never compromised by the superfluous" which I think is         apparent in their stark, straightforward, and professional designs. Each watch is tested under varying conditions in various positions, monitored, and adjusted over a two week period until it is 0 to +10 seconds per day (for automatic watches) with a 40 hour reserve. Additionally, each watch is tested for its resistance to water, pressure, ultra-violet radiation, heat, humidity, shock, magnetic fields, hostile chemicals, and substantial temperature variation. If the watch survives all that, it is examined by a master watchmaker who makes the final decision as to whether it can actually leave the factory or not.



Jingle ells, Jingle ells ...




Christmas won't be the same without Bell & Ross ...


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Look what Santa brought me ...

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For being nice and not naughty

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Tuesday, December 04, 2007

RoboRoach

PESTS





(This classic N. Mark Castro column was originally published July 9, 1995, from the files of Ambir.)


Today I wish to present further evidence that the scientific community has completely lost its mind.


Exhibit A is an article that appeared recently on the front page of The Sunday Times (motto: "Even We Don't Read The Whole Thing''). The article concerns a scientist named Dr. Raul J. Cano, who got hold of a bee that died 30 million years ago and was preserved in amber.



Now here is the difference between a scientist and a sane lay person such as yourself: If YOU came across a bee that had been dead for 30 million years, your natural, common-sense reaction would be to stomp on it, just in case, then maybe use it as part of a prank involving a salad bar.

 


But that was not Dr. Cano's scientific reaction. His reaction-and remember, this story comes from The Sunday Times, which never makes anything up-was to extract some really old dead germs from the bee's stomach AND BRING THEM BACK TO LIFE.

 


Yes. Does this make ANY sense to you? I mean, don't we already have ENOUGH live germs in this world, causing disease, B.O. and really implausible movies starring Dustin Hoffman?

 


Do we lay persons not spend billions of dollars per year on antibiotics, Listerine, Right Guard and Ty-D-Bol for the specific purpose of KILLING germs?



According to The Sunday Times, the scientific community is all excited about Dr. Cano's revived bee-stomach germs. Apparently the scientific community has never seen ''The Mummy,'' ''Frankenstein,'' ''Night of the Living Dead Bacteria'' or any of the numerous other reputable motion pictures depicting the bad things that inevitably happen when some fool brings a dead organism back to life. You wait. One of these nights, Dr. Cano's germs are going to escape from their petri dishes and start creeping forward, zombie-like, with their little bacterial arms sticking straight out in front of them, and heaven help the laboratory security guard who stands in their way. (''What's wrong, Bob?'' "I don't know! I have the weirdest feeling something's trying to eat my toe!'')




 

At this point you are saying, "OK, so this one scientist is perhaps a few ice cubes short of a tray. But he's probably just an isolated example.''

 


You wish. I have here another New York Times story, sent in by many alert readers, concerning scientists who have figured out how to -- get ready -- GROW EXTRA EYES ON FLIES.

 


Yes. The story states that, by messing around with genes, the scientists have produced flies with ''as many as 14 eyes apiece'' in various locations -- "on their wings, on their legs, on the tips of their antennae.''

 


On behalf of normal humans everywhere, let me just say: Great! Just what we need! Flies that can see EVEN BETTER!


 

As I write these words, I am unwillingly sharing my lunch with a regular, non-improved fly, which is having no trouble whatsoever seeing well enough to keep an eye on me while it walks around on my peanut-butter sandwich. Whenever I try to whap it, the fly instantly zooms out of reach, buzzing its wings to communicate, in fly language, the concept of "neener neener.''

 

 


Not that it would do me any good to kill it; Dr. Raul J. Cano would probably just bring it back to life.

 


Speaking of insects, I have here a column from the spring issue of American Entomologist magazine, written by May Berenbaum, who discusses a University of Illinois entomology professor who has -- you are not going to believe this, but I'm going to tell you anyway -- "pioneered the design and use of artificial limbs for cockroaches.''



Naturally, I had to read further about this professor, whose name is Fred Delcomyn. He freely admitted to me that he has, indeed, fitted cockroaches with tiny artificial limbs made from toothpicks. He's trying to figure out exactly how cockroaches move -- in stark contrast to us normal, non-scientist, sane people, who would like to figure out exactly how to make cockroaches STOP moving, so we could hit them with hammers.

 


But here's the truly alarming thing: Delcomyn, as part of his research, wants to BUILD A ROBOT COCKROACH. In fact, he has already built one that's a foot-and-a-half long (''not too big, compared to your Florida roaches,'' he noted, correctly). But his plan is to build a bigger one, a robot cockroach that will be FOUR FEET LONG.


 


When will these scientists ever learn? We know what's going to happen! We've seen this movie! Everything will be fine at first, with the robot roach doing exactly what the scientists want it to. But then one night, after the scientists have left the laboratory, there will be a lightning storm, and extra electricity will flow into the roach, and it will COME TO LIFE ON ITS OWN -- RoboRoach! -- and escape and terrorize the community, smashing its way into supermarkets, skittering past terrified, screaming shoppers, seizing entire display racks of Hostess Twinkies.



Oh sure, eventually the Army will come up with a way to stop it, possibly by constructing a 50-foot-tall can of Raid.


 

But do we really want to put ourselves through this?

 


Why must scientists continue to mess with the natural order of things? Why do we need to create giant cockroaches? We already have the O.J. Simpson defense team!


 

 


If you are as concerned about these issues as I am, I urge you to take action TODAY in the form of doubling your medication dosage.



 

Also you are welcome to this sandwich.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Despuis ...

Breguet
By N. Mark Castro

It was 206 years ago that Abraham-Louis Breguet invented the tourbillon movement. His designs worked like tiny gyroscopes to allow timepieces like clocks or pocket watches to be moved around — and eventually even reduced in size enough to be worn on wrists — while retaining their accuracy. It was a technological breakthrough.

Breguet is one of the oldest surviving watch-making establishments and is the pioneer of numerous watch-making technologies, the most famous being the tourbillon.

A tourbillon is a type of mechanical clock or watch escapement that Abraham-Louis Breguet invented in 1795, which is designed to counter the effects of gravity and other perturbing forces that can affect the accuracy of a timepiece. This is accomplished by mounting the escapement in a rotating frame, so that the effect of gravity cancels out when the escapement is rotated 180°. The effects of gravity were particularly problematic when pocketwatches were carried in the same pocketed position for most of the day. In a tourbillon, the entire escapement assembly rotates, including balance wheel, escapement wheel, and pallet fork. The rate of rotation varies per design but has generally become standardized at one rotation per minute.

The tourbillon is considered to be one of the most challenging of watch mechanisms to make, and even by today's technological standards, only a true craftsman / watch artist, can achieve a semblance of similarity to what Breguet has invented without the aid of technology.

One of Breguet's rarest collections, No. 555, c. 1800 Timekeeper with 1 Complication, Breguet, No. 555, was sold to Monsieur Hottinguer in Pluviose An 8 (January/February 1800).

It's been said that Breguet watches are so good that even fictional characters decided to own them.


Notable owners

    * Marie-Antoinette, Queen of France
    * Louis XVI, King of France
    * Louis Antoine de Bougainville, French Explorer
    * Napoleon Bonaparte, Emperor of the French
    * Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington
    * Talleyrand, Prince of Benevento
    * Count Axel von Fersen, Swedish diplomat
    * Joséphine de Beauharnais, Empress of the French
    * Selim III, sultan of the Ottoman Empire
    * Caroline Murate, Queen of Naples
    * Tsar Alexander I of Russia
    * Michel Ney, Marshal of France
    * George Washington, 1st American President
    * Queen Victoria of the United Kingdom
    * Sir Winston Churchill, British Prime Minister
    * Arthur Rubinstein, Master pianist
    * Sergei Rachmaninoff, Composer
    * Lola Astanova, Virtuoso pianist
    * Nicolas Sarkozy, French president
    * Leo Tolstoy, Russian author
    * Maestro Valery Gergiev, Russian Conductor

Fictional owners:

    * Dr. Stephen Maturin in Patrick O'Brian's Napoleonic War novels
    * Baron d'Anglars from Dumas' Count of Monte Cristo
    * Phileas Fogg from Verne's Around the World in 80 Days
    * Eugene Onegin in Alexander Pushkin's Onegin
    * Patrick Bateman in Bret Easton Ellis's American Psycho

And now ...


Guess what ... somebody's been added to that list.

I wonder how bad they feel now.


Sunday, November 18, 2007

Bali Fashion Week

This says it all ...

Bali_fashion_week_program

Friday, October 19, 2007

Santi Santita



She started it ... in 2002 ...


Almost six years later ... she's back.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Birthday Bash

Sunset of my Youth

By N. Mark CastroFish_pond

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Birthday Celebration

Deck Segara_2

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Everything That Glitters ...

Golden Girl

i cook, clean, iron, a guaranteed excellent domestic gal. Occasionally chippin' in ideas and producing tv shows. I am a good listener, I'm the type who love playing a song over and over again, I'm also the one who send out 'song of the week'.

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One day, when I grow up ... I want ...

Monday, July 23, 2007

The Cost of Living

Priceless
By N. Mark Castro


"So go live with your watch ..."

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I'll be content with this coffee ...

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"Talk ... Talk ... Talk ..."